i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
