Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
