No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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