i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
