remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
