i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
