I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
