Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
