well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
