I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
