If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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