btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
