Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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