just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
