Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
