I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
