her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
