The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
