Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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