HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
