i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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