it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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