my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Houston, we have a blender
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
