'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
