he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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