Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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