I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
