The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will be naked everywhere
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
