Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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