i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
