I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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