after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize