i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
