i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
