Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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