Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize