You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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