i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
