You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
