At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
