I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
