Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
