..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
