If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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