i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize