Do you still have your period?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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