this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
