All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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