I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
