guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize