So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize