using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
