oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
