Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
