thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
