I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
