It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
