Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
