I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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