I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
