im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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