he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
