This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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