drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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