you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
