You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
