Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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