My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
