the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They took my balls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
