that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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