you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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