i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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