I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
