Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
