my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
