Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
