last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
