even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
