your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
