bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
