what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
