He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
