the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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