i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
