So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We named our party play list daddy issues
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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