Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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