I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
