he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are the jesus of drinking
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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