he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
