so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
