I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize