The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
