i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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