By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
