Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
