I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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