I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
