I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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