ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
