I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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