Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
