puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
