Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
