HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
