There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
