I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
