apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
