There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
