Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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