you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
3 2 1 whiskey
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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