i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So. Much. Porn.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
