i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
